Welcome to the New City! A bustling metropolis where super heroic shenanigans happen every day.Super Heroes punching robots! Super Villains firing lasers at the moon! Demon invasions! Alien invasions! Demonic Alien invasions! All kinds of crazy super powered adventures!And, among the super heroes and villains, there is a special class of a super person that stands out against the rest - the Rogues!Gentlemen Thieves! Elegant Bulgars! Phantom Robbers! You get the idea. Basically weirdos that just want to steal stuff, live free and look hot while doing it!
>>5194190And guess what. You're one of those Rogues! Cool!
>>5194193As the night sets in, the New City comes to life!You can feel it in the air... Tonight is the night!That's right! It's time for a good, old fashioned HEIST!
>>5194199Except, you've been going through a bit of a depressive phase lately. In fact, ever since you decided to become a Rogue, you haven't done a single heist. For the last week, you've just stayed home and played old PC games on your computer...
But this ends tonight!Do not worry, you've got what it takes. In fact, you got a special something on your side - that's right, you've got a real, honest to god SUPER POWER!Now, what was it again?Post ideas and suggestions in the thread. It can be as simple or as complex as you want. You can even just post words or jpegs you have on your computer, i'll figure it out.
>>5194206You can make donuts, in all senses of that word, including topographically and cosmologically.
>>5194206The ability to turn offensive slurs into words of power/ special abilities like pic related. The more offensive it is the more bullshit it is, I,E FUCK would have a very minor/small effect, but NIGGER would do something more drastic. Each slur should have a different effect. Comes with the consquence of being a known racist/sexist/whateverism
You can see most things coming, due to being hyper-aware of the narrative plot devices that guide the outcome of everything in your universe. But you can't do anything about them.
>>5194220Meta power are cringe. I don't want to be some dumb deadpool wannabe.
>>5194206>Blessed by ThothGifted with the ability to understand and speak any language, along with a photographic memory and bird accomplices. However only under the light of the mood do your powers truly shine.
>>5194207>>5194209Okay, okay, I think I have an idea. Gonna wait for just a couple more responses to round it out>>5194216That's not elegant at all! We are a gentlemen thief, not a 12 year old playing call of duty!>>5194220>>5194224I'm afraid this will happen regardless of super power
>>5194230>We get stronger at higher elevations. Why? Because we're like distantly related to mountain goats or something.(ayy white tower qm welcome back)
>>5194230You can control how sharp things can be
>>5194206We form a portal between any two openings of similar shape and size.
>>5194230You can turn yourself and anything you touch intangible
>>5194207>>5194206AS I WAS SAYING - from your mom you inherited incredible hydrokinetic abilities!More specifically, a power called Water Thief! With just a touch, you can absorb moisture from anything that has water! (Not instantly, but like, really quickly)Many house plants perished before you figured out you have this power.
>>5194267The water is then stored in a donut shaped organ inside your gut! All the moisture is compressed to an incredible degree - this bad boy can somehow store up to a hundred liters at once!
And then you can shoot out the water you stored in cool, water streams!After months of practicing, you learned to control the power and pressure of your water squirts! You can shoot out short squirts with strong concussive force, and even cool water blade squirts that can cut through stuff! Wow!Who knows what else your power can do? Maybe it will let you turn yourself and anything you touch intangible somehow? Or form a portal between any two openings of similar shape and size??That'd be pretty cool. But probably not. You're a squirt based super thief now.
Now, okay, listen me out, power to absorb and squirt water might not sound amazing, BUT it's not all you got!Your dad was one of those Super Brainy kind of guys who built tons of Super Tech before he died. All of it is lost now, except for one device!One Super Tech gadget is in your possession! Now, what was it again?Describe a peace of super technology or like a cool gadget that will help our hero on his heist!
>>5194276>An animal translation chip that we put into our childhood pet. Whatever that is.
>>5194276really cool glove thing
>>5194276Mex-Ray Goggles that let us see through things and people, and also gives everything an exciting fiesta atmosphere
If we're an thief, then maybe we should have an disguise kit
>>5194279Supporting. Sidekick time.>>5194276
>>5194279>>5194287>>5194293>>5194311THAT'S RIGHT - Your dad left you Mr. Crumbs, the Cyborg Seagull! >"GIVE ME FOOD, HUMON"Your mom and dad were a sea themed pair of rogues, and dad made this bird because "Seagulls are the true rogues of the sea". You don't even like the sea. You get seasick easily.Anyways, Mr. Crumbs is basically just a super tough seagull. He normally just does seagull stuff, but you can control him with a voice activated device inside your right glove. As a bonus, there is a device inside your mask, that let's you see through Mr. Crumbs camera eyes whenever you want!Mr. Crumbs used to also have lasers in his eyes, but they broke long time ago and you don't have the Super Brains needed to fix them.>>5194306nonsense, that would be actually useful, why would we want that
>>5194323Okay, listen! Yeah, maybe your powers aren't amazing, and maybe the only super tech you got is literally just a bird.BUT, it's not done yet! We can still salvage this!You have a TALENT! That's right, a special skill that you developed on your own! It's a not a super power, but you're are *super* good at it!What is it??? What is your special skill?? It's better be a good one, or we are scrapping the whole heist idea and going back to playing old pc games!
>>5194324Holding our breath, but for like, a really really really long time.
>>5194324>SwimmingHey, wait a second, wouldn't we honestly make a better pirate than thief at this point?
>>5194327What is a pirate, then a water thief?
>>5194327>Hey, wait a second, wouldn't we honestly make a better pirate than thief at this point?NO! THAT'S STUPID!Your parents were Super Pirates and you hated it. You hated the ocean. You hated living on the boat. It all just made you vomit.You gonna be a Super Rogue! Jumping from roof to roof, running away from Super Detectives and having romantic adventures with various cat themed femme fatales! You know, Rogue stuff!
>>5194324You were pretty good with chemistry in high school.
>>5194334Dang. Sorry I didn't mean to pick a nerve there, man. I support you.
>>5194324We are really good at acting innocent. Obviously less helpful if we are caught red handed, but before then, people are more likely to be suspicious of someone else rather than us.
>>5194334>Your parents were Super PiratesDude, that's like the coolest thing ever, what are you? G-Never mind. (I mean jeez)Ok, you're great at swordsmanship, swashbuckler.
>>5194327You do know how to swim. Your dad threw you into the ocean when you were 2 years old so you'd learn or drown. But that's not your special talent, that's just your childhood trauma. >>5194335You didn't go to high school, you spend your childhood on a boat.BUT, an evil genius guy who worked for your dad have taught you advanced chemistry, as well general sciences!That's right, in a unexpected turn of events, you're actually pretty smart! In addition to your CHEMISTRY!skill, you get a general +1 to all science related rolls!
>>5194372And that's it for your assets!We are almost ready for the heist, just one last thing!We need a cool name! Something roguish and elegant! And NOT ocean themed!Also, we can add one flourish or detail to our rogue suit. Preferably something that is not too hard to draw, for no reason in particular.
>>5194380Dissolution!As in: dissolving something, like water would, and like you would in chemistry, but ALSO it sounds like "disillusion", because we're a villain and we live in a society.
>>5194383+1 >>5194380For the suit I say we should add a different mask, maybe something more dramatic and misterious. What if the mask goes like drops and looks like it's melting or something? Like tear shaped or something and falls from the eyes to our cheeks
>>5194397Seems reasonable. Maybe a shoulder pauldron for our seagull, too?
>>5194397>>5194383Of course! It's perfect! Your are the Dissolution!It's chemistry related, and water related and also you're disillusioned in the society, after growing up in an orphanage system.>>5194397You decide to change your mask a little, to make it look like it's kinda melting, or like, tear shaped or something and falls from the eyes to our cheeks...and...You ended up making it look like you're crying. You look depressing now. The experience also made you depressed, so you put a big "D" on your chest, for Dissolution.Let's get this over with.
STAGE ONE of every good heist is RESEARCH!And you know that all cool and classy rogues do their research with a newspaper! >"OPEN THE STOCKS PAGE, HUMON, I WANT TO CHECK ON MY INVESTMENTS"You ignore the bird and open up todays paper to look for stuff to steal!What are we stealing and from where??? It's gotta be not too hard but also cool! We gotta show this city what we are made of! But also we gotta not die or got to prison, ideally.
>>5194421Ok let's see let's seeeeeeeeee...Oooo! Looks like we have a new exhibit in a museum! And it looks to beeeee...an ancient pirATE TREASURE!!! YES!!! Oh. It looks like most of the treasure in it has disintegrated away. Eh, still gotta be worth something.
>>5194421A secret recipe from that weird factory downtown.
>>5194421The bird has the right idea, you will steal the top investments from the stock exchange,it's not like those dusty bones investors could stop you, what are they going to do? put you to sleep talking about hedge funds?It's perfect and, when your feathery buddy is at the top of the board after your little fraud, you will have all the funds you might need for future heists.
>>5194429+1 Maybe let's first see what the top investments are before actually going to steal
>>5194429+1 if not than rob a 7Eleven
>>5194276>Now, okay, listen me out, power to absorb and squirt water might not sound amazing, BUT it's not all you got!The amazing powerto drink water and then piss
>>5194425>>5194429>>5194437>>5194440You decide to follow your metal friend's advice and check the business section.W-what's this??? This is perfect!!!
>>5194445To piss HARD and FAST, from EVERY ORIFICE.>>5194429Support.
>>5194464Such a terrific power in the hands of a depressed grown man
>>5194463Apparently the New City's Stock Exchange is having a special exposition on it's top floor!They are showing people of New City something called THE BIGGEST STOCK. A stock that is apparently "too big to fail" and is so powerful that anyone who holds it makes a bajillion dollars every day!The bajillionaire who owns it made an exhibit out of it, to show it off to the poors so they can indulge in the fantasy of being rich some day!This is perfect! By stealing THE BIGGEST STOCK, you both show your disrespect towards capitalism, but also get stupid rich!
>>5194497And the Stock Heist is on! You leap from rooftop to rooftop and make your way to the New City's Stock Exchange! The BIGGEST STOCK will be yours before the night is over!
>>5194500You make your way to the building!It's time for STAGE TWO of a heist - INFILTRATION! You need to make into the building, basically.Unfortunately, it's too far away from other rooftops, so you'll have to figure out another way of getting inside.How do we get inside???
>>5194504Pretend to be a window washer.
>>5194504Put some normal looking clothes on and go through the front door, if somebody asks, say that you represent a very important investor, that being your aviary companion.
>>5194507This sounds like a good idea. And we could use our bird friend to scout.
>>5194530>>5194526>>5194511>>5194507You use your genius intellect to figure out a perfect plan.It took you a second to collect the right materials, but now you're ready - the infiltration begins!You approach the guards.>"Sorry, sir, the building is closed for tonight. Comeback tomorrow during the working hours."
>>5194543>"Sorry, we are a little late fellas. We are the window washing crew, here to wash the windows. Don't mind us, we'll just go right through and get to work right away. Got a looot windows to wash, oh boy!">"LET US IN, HUMON, WE ARE HERE TO WASH"...somebody roll a 1d6 for your persuasion!And then somebody also roll a 1d6+1 for Mr. Crumbs's persuasion. He gets a +1, thanks to his charming personality.
Rolled 5, 2 + 1 = 8 (2d6 + 1)>>5194551
>>5194551>He gets a +1, thanks to his charming personality.... Yeah, that feels appropiateAlso, is this a Bo3 or i just don't roll because >>5194561already did?
>>51945615 for Dissolution!>>5194563You can roll for Mr.Crumbs
Rolled 2 + 1 (1d5 + 1)>>5194593For fuck sake I ALWAYS FORGET THIS SHIT
>>5194507>>5194511>>5194526While I love how this brilliantly stupid plan is going, I'm pretty sure if we absorbed enough water we could use out water jets to fly a short distance.
>>5194614We could also use the water to cut a hole in the window if we needed, since we can use it like a pressure jet.
>>5194614>>5194616We can storage a lot of water once we're inside, us that platform that the window cleaners use to get to any floor we need, cut the window, and when we need to get out we can either jet ourselves with the Power of water to get to the other buildings in the air, or go some floors more near to the ground and use the water to slow our fall and go running till we lose sight of the cops.
Rolled 3 (1d6)>>5194551
>>5194597>>5194561>"Alright, you come on in, but your seagull friend will have to stay. I'm sorry sir, but they still haven't passed the legislation that allows cybernetic animals to work in this state. If I let you in, the company will be liable">"I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS SOCIAL INJUSTICE, HUMON">"Yeah, yeah, move along now"You got in! But Mr.Crumbs will have to stay outside. He will be flying around the building, doing seagull stuff.
And then you just took an elevator to the top floor! Wow, heisting is freaking easy!Just one last hurdle - the entrance to the hall that houses the BIGGEST STOCK is guarded by another guard. This one looks bigger, and possibly smarter than the guys downstairs.Better think carefully about your approach!What do you do???
>>5195556Absorb water from the bucket and than get as close to guard as we can before we hit him with a very awesome squirt of water to knock him out
>>5195558That's dumb. Instead, let's knock over the bucket, and then when he comes to investigate, we knock him out.
By the way, we should tell our bird to watch the area.
>>5195558I second this, but only if we lure the guard over by throwing the broom to make a sound for him to investigate
>>5195907Deal.>>5195677 was my vote from mobile, and I add broom-chucking to my preferred itinerary for this evening.>>5195556
>>5195911>>5195907>>5195677>>5195576>>5195558The plan is ready. Time for the next stage of every good heist:SUPER POWERED VIOLENCE!You suck up the water from the bucket!+10 Liters!
>>5196360You throw the broom as a distraction.The guard is attracted by the sudden sound and can't help but investigate!
>>5196362The guard approaches the broom to investigate it closer (for some reason).You got him right where you want him! Time to inflict swift, moist violence upon this overworked, underpaid goon!But what kind of a Squirt Attack should you do? This is your ideal range, so you can make the power and pressure as high as you'd like!What kind of squirt are we doing? Also roll a 1d6, because you are still really inexperienced with your super powers
Rolled 2 (1d6)>>5196370It would be cool to just cut off his head. But not gentlemanly. Let's try to just knock him out for a bit. Concussions aren't harmful in the long-term, right?
Rolled 2 (1d6)>>5196370Swift concentrated bolt of concussive water to the fellows head
Rolled 2 (1d6)>>5196370Concussive Blast
Rolled 3 (1d6)>>5196370Concussive spray
Rolled 4 (1d6)>>5196370
>>5196390>>5196412>>5196419guess that's a 2 for sure, holy cowYou concentrate the water inside your hand and... and... AND... AH DAMN IT! You squirt prematurely! Instead of a concussive blast, you splash the guard with gentle spray of water...
>>5196450The guard turns around and takes off his coat!What's this? The guard isn't a normal guard at all! It's a Guard Bot! (A robotic substitute for a normal human guard)>"YOU! You are a thief who came to steal the BIGGEST STOCK, aren't you!? Give up now, or I will have to unleash the full power of my cybernetic might upon you!"
>>5196453>"W-wait!? W-what did you splash on me? Was that... Was that a small amount of lukewarm water??? N-NO! NOO! MY ONLY WEAKNESS!!!"
>>5196455...You win. Quick! Time to invent a cool catchphrase! What do you say when the plan works perfectly and totally in the way you meant it to go?
>>5196458Knock on Wood.
>>5196458We're an ultra cool rogue. A dweller of the shadows, a thief in the night, we don't need things like catchphrases. Those are for heroes, villains, (and pirates, stupid pirates).>Strike a pose
>>5196463That's better, actually.
>>5196467too late>"Knock on Wood!~"You say as you walk through the door. Nobody laughs. There is nobody there. Even if there was someone here, they would not laugh.What even was that? Wood? What wood? Knock on it for like, luck? Huh? What does that mean? What does that have to do with anything???Let's just get this heist over with, we can level up our one liners with all the EXP points we'll get.It's time for the penultimate stage of a heist - GRABBING THE THING!
You walk into the middle of the top floor and enter a T-Pose, to assess your surroundings.To the west - A giant window overlooking the city!To the north - The door from which you came!To the east - A giant window overlooking the city!To the south - It's... it's...>>(You), the audience~Just kidding! There is another window.Right next to you is the BIGGEST STOCK. Oh hey, there it is.You physical state is: GREAT! You mental state is: GREAT! You have 8 liters of water in your water organ.What do u do???
>>5196476>Assess this piece of paperDoes it actually give us access to the stock, qnd the ability to own and resell it, or is it just a graph of its performance?
>>5196476>Grab the stock>Cut a hole in the window with a water blast>Order Mr. Crumb to fly up here>Give him the stock and tell him to fly back to base with it>Keep exploring for side-stufff to steal(I'm sure this won't fail in some hilarious way)
>>5196478Yes, let's see this first. We also should take care before grabbing it.
>>5196485>>5196478You take a closer look at the BIGGEST STOCK....yep, seems legit!What's next?
>>5196476Heh too easy...>Grab the stock unceremoniously>Scan over it quickly but not carefully>360 and cut a hole underneath us and walk away
>>5196497Spray some water to see if there's like, lasers.
>>5196520+1Spray water vapors around the stock.
>>5196498>>5196480You grab the BIGGEST STOCK!
>>5196531>>5196531>>5196530>>5196520TOO LATEThe BIGGEST STOCK has been grabbed.It's fine though, there weren't any lasers, it's all good.
>>5196536KABLAM!The entrance to the hall explodes.It looks like it's time for the final, and the most fun stage of every good heist...
>>5196539...THE PART WHERE EVERYTHING GOES WRONG
>>5196542It's the Young Adult Avenging Society! The third most popular spin-off team of the main Avenging Society.>"Stop right there, criminal! Put that paper down and surrender peacefully!" Yells the flying lady with a big smile.>"Who's this guy? I thought Evil Vermillion was after that stock" Whispers the big guy.>"I guess the info we got was a dud. Well, whatever, let's bag this guy and go home." Says the guy with cyber arms.You are about to get your ass kicked by a bunch of super powered zoomers. What now, super rogue? What do you do???
>>5196550Will our dashing hero manage get away with his prize?Will the five experienced super heroes with amazing powers totally beat the crap out of him?Will Mr. Crumbs ever defeat the unjust system and get a work permit?I literally don't know. Find out on the next episode of the Violent Masquerade! Like. Tomorrow.
>>5196550>"And who are you? Goodness, look how late in the evening it is. Now if you'll excuse me I have to send this to be investigate for any possible fraud of forgery, any complains can be put forward to the IRS's department. Good night". Threaten them with a force greater than all of you combined, the IRS.
>>5196558If we can absorb water, what about the moisture from the air? Can we do that passively?Instead of spraying jets of water, can we spray like a ton of mist to make the floors all wet and slippery?
>>5196612Better yet: create a steam smokescreen!>>5196550>Mist the area with a steam smokescreen and leap out one of the windows... If there's, like, a convenient window washing platform or something. Hopefully there is. Hopefully we can even break through the glass.
We have eight liters. We should jump out the window and slow our fall down like one of those water jetpacks they have videos of.
>>5196550Rush at them and drain their moisture. Save the cyborg for last, since his cybernetic parts probably make him less dependent on water than the others.
>>5196674This, I like. Maybe even try to make some time with >>5196560 while we order Mr. Scrumbs with go grab some random paper in a trash-can, so when we jump, we switch the BIGGEST STOCK with some random paper the wannabe heroes will try to grab on, while our buddy flies relatively near us but out of sight.If this so-called Evil Vermillion tries to rub the BIGGEST STOCK we can tell the heroes where it is and try to make them go for the bigger fish.
>>5196735SHE...WILL PROBABLY BREAK OUR PELVIS!
Plan: Money is a pathway to many abilities some might consider Unnatural.>Offer the team an IOU for one Bajillion dollars. Guardian Angel can buy a new costume, Kung Fu Ghost can buy more Kung Fu lessons for himself, and possible get an Exorcism, Ultra Lass can pay the Litigation fees for all the kills that she has "racked"(Get it? She got Big boobies) up, Cyber Punk can get his Dj career off the ground, and Gothica can get more piercings, cigarettes and maybe enough to sponsor her own team of Goth themed heroes.
>>5196750Is there a problem with that?>triple digit kill countEXPAND
Your brain is working overtime as it tries to think it's way out of this situation.A dozen of brilliant(?) plans rush through your head!>>5196756>Bribe them with Stock's moneyAren't they heroes? Can you really bribe them? Maybe if they are one of those "deconstruction of a genre" kind of heroes, where they are actually all bad people who kill and say "Fuck"! Then it might work!>>5196560>Pretend to be from IRSYes! IRS are thieves too, so they are likely to believe it! The guards downstairs were dumb enough to think you're a window washer, so maybe this will work too!>>5196674>Jump out of the window and use water propulsionThis could work! I mean, you never tried this before, but you've seen people do that thing on Youtube with water jetpacks. Is 8 liters enough? Ah, who cares, at least it's something that a cool rogue would do!>>5196707>Call Mr.Crumbs to get a piece of paper to switch it with the BIGGEST STOCKIt's complicated, but it's very much something a good rogue would do. Plus, it can work with other plans!>>5196681>Attack the super heroesRight! The best thing about your powers, is that if you use it on an average person for about 4 seconds - they'll pass out from dehydration! That's a powerful ace in your sleeve, maybe even strong enough to win against 5 super heroes! Plus, fighting is fun!>>5196750>>5196735>>5196660>General horny thoughtsThat's not a plan, but you can't help yourself!>>5196660wow! love it!>>5196612>>5196617In theory, you could do that in the future, and maybe even more, but right now you're way too inexperienced. You can suck water with a touch, store up to 100 liters and then do power squirts from your hands - for now, that's all you got.The window of opportunity is running out! Is there any more plans in that beautiful head of yours or are you going with one of these?
>>5196935>Call Mr Crumbs and switch out the paper>Pretend we're the IRSHe didn't pay his capital gains taxes that's a big CRIME.
>>5196940Good enough for me
>>5196935>inb4 this was all just a prelude to us actually playing as Evil Vermillion
>>5196935Ask muscle lady out on a date.
>>5196935>Pretend to be from IRSCan we make a tie and glases out of water to look more like them?
>>5197224>Ultra Lass>Not GothicaPleb
>Pretend to be from IRSWe're the Heroes of the Federal Government.
>>5197232no>>5196935>"Hi, hello! I am the tax man! Came here to investigate some of tax fraud going around! Boy, it sure is late! Now if you'll excuse me I have to send this to be investigate for any possible fraud of forgery, any complains can be put forward to the IRS's department. Good night".You attempt to trick the five heroes!Roll a 1d6! Who knows, maybe it will work!
Rolled 1 (1d6)>>5197247
Rolled 4 (1d6)>>5197247To be fair, I think the IRS also has their employee's wear masks
>>5197247>I used to be Dependent Boy from the IRS super accounting team, but I wanted to rebrand, but my new costume is on backorder, you know how it is...
>>5197256in the options bar write dice+1d6
Rolled 3 (1d6)>>5197247
>>5197253Kung Fu Ghost: "Dude, really? You are literally wearing a thief costume. Like, it's comical how much you look like a thief. You look like a depressed Hamburglar going through a midlife crisis"Gothica: "Hey, what's the "D" stand for anyways? Does it stand for a Dick? Are you some kind of Dick Man? Is that you gimmick? Is your gimmick that you're a Dick?"
Rolled 6 (1d6)>>5197305Ham up the act.>"EXCUSE ME!?! Are you calling taxation a theft? You have no idea what kind of trouble that kind of wrong-think can put you in, young man! Also, for your information the 'D' stands for 'Deductible', thank you very much!"
>>5197305Ultra Lass: "Haha~ You're a funny villain, mister Dick Man!"
>>5197314you can't trust a girl with freckles on her boobs i learned that the hard way freshman year of college
>>5197314"You have 5 second to comply~"...I'm sorry guys, the IRS plan will just not work. You have five second until Ultra Lass adds you to her kill count. Time for the plan B.Which is???
>>5197321>Hold up hand mirror to block her laser eyes
>>5197321Well, there is a perfectly good window to jump out of. Would be a shame not to use it right?
>>5197321>JUMP>Use stock as a parachute, it is the BIGGEST stock after all. It should be enough to lighten our fall.
>>5197321>Jump out the window, use water propulsion to cushion or extend fallThese DO seem to be some deconstructionist heroes, or at least Ultra Lass is, but I'm not sure they're the kind you can blackmail.maybe later we can show Gothica what kind of Dick Man we really are, thoughAnyway, KNOCK ON WOOOOOD!
>>5197333+1Mr Crumbs can pick up us while falling
>>5197333+1 >Hold the biggest stock in front of you like a shield
>>5197333We could just use our water jets to slow down our fall
>>5197370Dude it's like 8 liter. But yeah I don't have a better plan so let's jump and hope that some combinatiostonk magic, robotic seagull and waterbending will be enough to save our asses.
>>5197377Well, as long as we do it close enough to the ground, a strong burst could slow down our fall, right?Not like we could use it against them anyway. They're too strong to be brought down by a normal jet blast.
>>5197321>"EXCUUUUSE me? Are you the ones calling me out for my fashion choices?">Go with those anons plans on using the BIGGEST STOCK as parachute, maybe after deviate Lass Girl attack to a window by ussing the BIGGEST STOCK as a shield, and with the help of our powers and Mr. Crumbs trying to make it safe to the ground>"There's a MF literally called KUNG FU GHOST, what's next? Karate Spirit? And Ghotical can easly be seeing near a [this world equivalent of Hot Topic] in the mall in the afternoon. And don't make me start with the others!">Fucking roast them while falling>????>Actually making it to the ground without any injury>Victory
>>5197327>>5197333>>5197353>>5197377"Too slooow~ Time for you to go, villain!"Ultra Lass shoots her eye lasers!
>>5198203You hold the BIGGEST STOCK in front of you, like a shield.Of course! "Hell" Class artefact like the BIGGEST STOCK can't be destroyed by alien lasers! You totally knew that. This was your plan and not just some dumb luck. Absolutely.Oh, this laser sure packs a punch though, huh...
>>5198203>boob window>boob freckles>freckles>muscles>defined core musclesOh no she's checking out all my weaknesses.>>5198207Use your hydro powers to slow down your decent?
>>5198209You are violently launched through the window by the force of the laser!You take a hit from your poor body smashing through the hard glass. You have 9 HP left! You had 10 btw, I never mentioned that. Now you have 9.
>>5198219>Use your hydro powers to slow down your descent
>>5198219Grab our flying friend and use our power to slow our descend
>>5198219What >>5198239 and >>5198242 said
>>5198242>>5198219Unfortunately, your cyberbirdly friend is too weak to carry you.But he's NOT too weak to carry a piece of paper you asked him to get in secret, using a device in your glove!Wow! Mr. Crumbs even managed to print great looking copy of the BIGGEST STOCK! Such a resourceful bird!"GOOD LUCK HUMAN, I DO NOT WISH FOR YOU TO DIE"You take the (FAKE) BIGGEST STOCK and give the (REAL) BIGGEST STOCK to your bird! It flies away before any of the super heroes see it.
>>5198254Mr. Crumbs is a boss.
Why, i've got an idea. Once we use our jets to land, drop the "biggest stock" and hotleg it out of there. They'll think we gave up on the heist because they underestimate us, and they'll be less inclined to chase us.
>>5198267+1 This is brilliant
>>5198239>>5198253>>5198210>>5197370>>5197377>>5197335You spin in the air to see where you're falling. Time seems to slow down.There is a rooftop below, but it is still much further away. You don't know if you have enough velocity to reach it. And even if you do, the fall would still be devastating.This is it, Dick Man. Are you a real super rogue? Or are you just a 30 year old man who woke up with a super power a week ago and decided to make something out of his sad, pathetic life?Time to find out. You have 8 liters of water left, better use them well.I'm gonna need two anons to do 1d6 rolls, and then we combine them. If it's a total of 2 to 5, it's a failure. If it's 6 to 9 it's a success.If it's a 10 to 12, something extra good will happen.
Rolled 5 (1d6)>>5198273Well, time to face the music
Rolled 5 (1d6)>>5198273
>>5198277>>5198279>we got a 10FUCK YEAH, KNOCK ON WOOD
>>5198282You know the more you say the less shitty it sounds
>>5198277>>5198279Now that we're doing something cool we have to discuss the most important thingWhat is our theme song?
>>5198288We're not trash enough to have a "gangsta" theme
>>5198291We're the (thus far) unaccomplished and disappointing 30-year son of career criminals, anon.>>5198288Supporting this.
>>5198300Yes, but i mean "trash" as in "thug". We're just a loser (until now) not gangsta
>>5198284I say that once we pass over our childhood traumas (and depression) we go withhttps://youtu.be/vyQZ13jobIYI just like the idea of making a ton of steam and appear like a skeleton ghost and banish the same way
>>5198306We literally grew up in a gang of super sea-muggers.
>>5198321Pirates are not gangsta
>>5198321More of a Pirate crew, and we are NOT using a sea shanty as a themeOnly thing I could really think of as a them is this:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nxpPcf2pizcKinda fits the whole "Intrigue but also cool" thing we're trying for
>>5198273WAIT A FUCKING SECOND OP ARE YOU WHITE TOWER QM???!!!
>>5198362You just realized that now? I recognized his art style from the first post.
>>5198370Yeah I'm slow in the head. Speaking of, return to Kid when?
>>5198324Beg to differ.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLTlH7KB0Xk
>>5198380Is it weird that I would want to romance Yes Man?
>>5198454It is weird that you would want to romance a piece of military hardware with a simplistic smiley for a tv head, yes.Real men go for the secretive military prototype that injects you with drugs.
>>5198279>>5198277As you plummet towards your death, something clicks inside you. You suddenly feel a rush of power you haven't felt before.Starting at your stomach and all the way to your hands, there is a sudden sense of... high pressure!You stuff the fake BIGGEST STOCK in your pants, spread out your arms behind you, and...
>>5198492...Release two pressurized jets of steam!You've unlocked the power of STEAM ROCKET!It allows you to launch yourself through the air in short, powerful bursts! You spend 2 liters of stored water to propel yourself towards the roof.
>>5198498You do a cool spin in the air and use another 2 liters to soften your landing. And you did it. You landed on the roof without a single injury!
>>5198505A newfound confidence surges through you!Now that you successfully used your power out in the field, you no longer need to roll just to use it in the future! (same goes for your regular squirt attacks, that stuff is child play compared to this!)You're a real Super Rogue now.BUT, what now? Your awesome stunt surely bought you some precious time. What do you do?
>>5198510>drop the "biggest stock" and hotleg it out of there
>>5198510Time to get down from this place and get the FUCK out of hereLet's trick the heroes into thinking we abandoned or lost the fake biggest stock in case they think of hunting us down. Lasergirl was able to fly, so she can catch up if we don't put something on their way.
>>5198362>>5198374yeah! hopefully I should have more free time from now on, so maybe in the nearest future. wanna do this one rn tho
>>5198514>>5198513Gothica: "GOD DAMNIT, you stupid alien bimbo!! He's just some looser with water powers, you could have easily killed him! I thought I told you to cut it out with your psycho bullshit!"Kung Fu Ghost: "Good landing though! I thought he's a goner for sure. Oh, we should probably run after him? He still got the stock."
>>5198559"OH BOY, that was sure SCARY! This thieving business is just too crazy for a LAME LOOSER like me! I will just drop THE BIGGEST STOCK right here, run away and NEVER, EVER do any crime again! Those COOL HEROES sure showed me, woo wee!"
>>5198560*WOOOSH*(you spend 2 more liters to land on the ground behind the building without dying)
>>5198559>Gothica actually caresW-wife!?
>>5198561Cyber Punk: "Huh. Looks like Ultra Lass was enough to scare this guy straight. Can't blame him. I have a suggestion - let's grab the BIGGEST STOCK and get on with our night. We might still catch the trail of Evil Vermilion if we hurry up"Wow! I literally can't believe it! You guys did it! The plan worked!...just one last thing left to account for.Ultra Lass's BloodlustI'm gonna need an anon to roll a 2d6 for a pure luck roll. 1-4 UL snaps. 5-8 UL leaves us alone, but only for now. 9-12 she forgets all about us.
Rolled 4, 2 = 6 (2d6)>>5198571
Rolled 4, 5 = 9 (2d6)>>5198571Let's see what fate has in store
>>5198573Oh, nice. She won't forget us, i guess. That's both good and bad.
>6Could be worse.>>5198517>There's a chance White Tower could returnAW YEAH BABY now existential safety department when just kidding ...unless you want to bring it back
>>5198576I don't know any of these. Personally, I just want to see this quest go through its natural duration. Its fun.
>>5198579Enlighten yourself. https://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive.html?searchall=white+towerhttps://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive.html?searchall=existential+safety
>>5198580It's so fucking amazingI haven't laughed this hard in agesGenuine 11/10 from me, unbelievable amounts of soul, have to ask what the inspiration is
>>5198573I believe it's time for a good, old fashioned EPILOGUE!Ultra Lass looks off into the direction where you fled. A mischievous glint shines in her eyesUltra Lass: "Who knew such a pathetic looking human could be so resourceful! I am looking forward for our next battle, Dick Man"
>>5198639You climb into your apartment, completely exhausted from running for your life.Wow! What a night!
>>5198639You crash into your armchair, melting into it like a soft, criminal jelly.You did it. You're a real rogue. A SUPER ROGUE, in fact!
>>5198644Now for the fun part! Gotta think of what to do with the bajillions of dollars you now own!How about your own criminal base! What kind of lair should we get? A castle? On the moon? With robot legs, so the castle can walk on the moon???Leave your ideas down below!
>>5198648Some old mansion in a cliff to the oceanAnd surely our Super Rogue base is going to be built underground with access to the ocean
>>5198648>>5198657"FREEZE! THIS IS THE NEW CITY POLICE!""YOU'RE UNDER ARREST FOR ROBBERY, SCUM""MOVE EVEN A MUSCLE, AND WE'LL PUMP YOU FULL OF LEAD, FREAK"
>>5198648I'm a sucker for the classics - volcano base on a tropical island.Either that or giant airship
>>5198660As dozens of cops pour into your small apartment, you suddenly receive a video signal on your visor.
>>5198662It's a video feed of an evil looking chair that is turned away, in a very dramatic fashion!Familiar Voice: "So, it looks like you received my little present. I imagine you must be very confused by now, so let me walk you through it all..."
I was thinking about how we should do something nice for our Cybergull buddy for pulling such a clutch move earlier but you know what fuck him, time to join the local zoomer heroes and kick his feathered ass
>>5198670Yup time for vengeance
>>5198668Mr. Crumbs: "Now work that little brain of yours and think back on this little heist of yours""Who was the one who pushed you in the direction of stealing the BIGGEST STOCK?" >>5194421"Who was the one to hack all the Guard Bots a day in advance, so that they would let you in, no matter what stupid plan you'd come up with?" >>5194551"Who was the one to tip off Young Adult Avenging Society with a false info, so they would show up just as you were stealing the BIGGEST STOCK?" >>5196550>>5198254"And who was the one to make a perfect copy of the BIGGEST STOCK, to switch it with the original, just as you were getting your ass kicked?""That's right, old friend. It was me. Mr. Crumbs."
>>5198673"... Dude, WTF? We are friends"
>>5198673Cry masculine tears and then re-absorb the water.
>>5198673>>5198674>>5198678Mr. Crumbs: "If it makes you feel any better, you really impressed me. I didn't expect you to make it out alive, let alone back home, completely unscathed.""Of course, I always make plans even for things I don't expect. That's what real villains do, Dissolution. Or should I say, Dick Man?""Well, goodbye now. I doubt we'll see each other ever again. Don't feel too bad, that's how this game is played. A super rogue get's outplayed by the superior rogue"The video feed cuts off. The cops surround you.
>>51986791 day later:The Judge: "Alexander Kaminski, also known as a... eh... "The Dick Man", you're hereby sentenced to 10 YEARS in the Meta Human Prison of New City!"
>>5198679Damn... After this me should call us Depressure, immarite?
...HEIST 1 END!Tune in next time, for the PRISON HEIST
>>5194190Randy Cramer: Hybrid Soldier for The Earth Defence Force Secret Space Program 20 & Back, spent 20 years on Mars.Randy Cramer comes forward to tell of his experiences within the 20 & Back program as a genetically and technologically augmented solider. During his 20-year tour of duty, he fought indigenous insectoids on Mars, patrolled the solar system defending Earth from potential invaders and sent on missions to other worlds. Through all of his harrowing encounters, perhaps his greatest challenge was being returned to civilian life and facing a flood of memories of a life in the 20 & Back. As part of his testimony, he submits to a Polygraph examination and answers some challenging questions. He says there's almost 6 million people along with e.t. races living on marshttps://youtu.be/zi7zN97ATiM [
>>5198576That'd be great, I do kinda miss those guys. I wish I had more time and less depressive behavior.>>5198590Glad you had fun : ) >have to ask what the inspiration isnothing in particular, just random thoughts>>5198686This is canon nowokay, i now go back into my hibernation chamber, wacky prison adventures will start on Sunday! Look forward to: new powers! new skills!new reasons to be upset! and of course, the origin of The Dick Crew!
>>5198686>>5198699>Secret Space Program lore becomes canon because a spaz or bot spammed the threadHahaha, ye gods.
>Fine writing, as fine as the original run of the Boys comics, (Mental) Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles. So are we gonna be the dishwasher(yay table scraps), the washing machine(free clothes), The mop bucket(Janitors need help) or the shower(oh the things you'll see) in prison?
I wonder if that cyber-seagull is waterproof?
>>5198699cant wait to develop a relationship with Ultra Girl.As arch-nemeses I mean.
>>5198699Can the Dick Myster dick down Wonder Lass?
I can't believe it. Our only friend betrayed us.
Seems like everyone underestimates D. Man. The Heroes first and now the bird. Well, it won't work well
K, now the plan for me it's to start lifting and gain some muscle in the prison and start overcoming our sadness in there, what do you think?Also, I've got an idea: If we have the power of water and we can take the water out of peoples body when we touch them... I say it would be a good idea to know some boxing, and which each punch or kick we take some of the water in people to make them weak.
>>5198898Thats still something were gonna have to learn how to do first most likely
>>5198684Can drink some water with our dick in the showers
>>5198786Dick MISTer perhaps
>>5198917We could make a shank out of dehydrating pee into solid shards of crystal for the fights
Prison arc is always a must. Every villain has to pull off at least one "jailbreak" before they can be considered a SUPER villain.Alas, we could've had decent dreams of wanting to fix the system using our ill-gotten gains so that none in a public wards program might suffer like we had, but had our dreams dashed at the last second.
>>5198917From what I read, Qm already told us we can dehydrate people when we touch them. Some lifting and boxing should make the trick until we improve our powers to make that in some distance
here are some dehydration related ideas I got.Super Storm: By throwing water into the air, Dissolution can effect the local weather to his advantage. High winds and low visability make escapes a whole lot easier at the cost of water.Ice Blade: Since mist and steam can both be used. The water we store can also be used in combat through ice blade (or sheild). Nothing more stylish and gentalmanly than a 1v1 sword fight.Mummify: This attack happens when Dissolution drains a human of all of its fluids. While not fatal, it will knock them out until help arives. Using mummify will perminatly prune anyone we steal water from.Terraform: Dissolution can use large bodies of water (like oceans, lakes and streams) to manipulate the Earth via fracking. Hydrogen bomb: Dissolution's got the power of chemestry on his side. Using the power of electrolysis he can break up water into hydrogen and oxygen gas. Hydrogen can be built up for massive explosions, while the oxygen can be used in non breathable situations. I have a feeling being underwater may be an exploitable weakness.
>>5199093>Hydrogen bombI'm really liking the potential in this one. Dissolution knows his chemistry, so he might be able to pull this off.
>>5199132Well, that would be a pretty fucking lategame ability, with how complex it would be.
yeah we can use our chemistry skills in prison arch definitely. I'm more thinking along the lines of becoming a Meth king though.
>>5199178Drugs are brutish. We're an thief, not an hoodlum.
>>5199093>Hydrogen bombOur ultimate weapon, the power to die in a really cool way
>>5199199Well, maybe we could use it as a bluff>If you don't let me go, i'm going to cause a hydrogen bomb explosion and take out both of us
>>5199244You could also put hydrogen in capsules (for the prison arc you could go with mason jars) and plant them with remote detonators. That or just bluff that you made one with an empty jar for the charisma roll.
>>5199248If it's not mixed with oxygen it's not explosive and getting enough gas for a decent explosion would require a vessel capable of handling some serious pressure
>>5199178>>5199188Toilet wine baron
>>5199813Toilets in prison don't work like that no more, boss. Just use a big tin or something.
>>5199602It's possible to do on a small scale with mason jars (ala a hand grenade), but if were trying to bust through multiple layers of concrete a higher voltage and stronger container is needed. (small scale)https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cL4jq51L7GQ&t=360s(potential for a larger explosive)https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqjn3mup1So
THE (MIS)ADVENTURE CONTINUES!You're Alexander Kaminski, a 30 year old super rogue known (unfortunately) as the Dick Man !You succeeded in your first ever heist, but was tricked and betrayed by a bird, who isn't even a real bird but is a robot or something. As a result, you were caught and sentenced to 10 years in Meta Human Prison.It's been 2 months...In this time you've made several, very important discoveries!
>>5200848Discovery №1:Being in prison fucking sucks! It's like, literally the worst! You wanna get out of here! You wanna go home and play video games!In fact, this is sorta the main goal for this arc - getting out of prison. This is now a prison escape story, basically.
>>5200853Discovery №2:This is a prison designed to hold super powered people, and so, they developed a way to make sure you don't use your powers.With a use of these Super Tech leg braces! When you first arrived here, they made you do one of your awesome water squirts. The leg brace recorded the bio waves of your body during that moment, and now, if you try and squirt again, it will activate and shock you! The power is enough to knock you out immediately!BUT! In a genius move (completely by accident), you concealed the fact that you also have powers of dehydration! You can still suck in moisture, without alerting the leg brace!Thank god that your stupid water powers are so unnecessarily complex!
>>5200857Thanks to this fluke, you were able to train in secret and develop your powers further! (But only the dehydration part of your power)Choose one of these new abilities to add to your power set:THIRST BOXINGYou can enhance the impact of your punches by sucking out the moisture of your opponent, at the moment of striking! One good punch is enough to knock out a regular shmuck, but tougher, bigger shmucks gonna need a couple good ones before they go down!Keep in mind, you need to hit them on exposed skin and you'll need to roll a 1d6 for your (lack of) martial art skill.AIR DEHIDRATIONYou learned how to suck out moisture out of the very air itself! This way you can get at least 1 liter of water, maybe even more, if the air is particularly moist!The downside is that it's then super dry in the room. Like, that nasty, gross kind of dry. I heard it's bad for your skin. Or is it good for your skin?? I forget which one it is.WATER PULLINGBy focusing on your sucking power, your learned how to pull water towards yourself from up to 5 meters away! Wow! You're becoming a real hydromancer! Your mom would have been proud! (Too bad she's dead)You don't have to see the water, just knowing it's there is enough. You do need at least one free hand to do it though.SOMETHING ELSE???You can suggest your own ideas for a new ability. These are just the ones I came up with. AND NO, YOU CAN'T HAVE A HYDROGEN BOMB, YOU MANIACS! (Not yet at least)
>>5200863Water Pulling could be great. Does water that's inside a person count? Like blood?
>>5200863Here's an question about our dehydration, Could we steal water from things which normally could not have water taken from it?For example, a chemical reaction called a Hydration reaction has water combine with a different material. Could we take water from that and get the original material?
>>5200863>WATER PULLINGbecouse we can clog pipes this way.
Dehydration Boxing sounds like it would be cool, but if we go with Water Pulling, we might be able to eventually advance to literally stealing all the water from someone's body without even needing to touch them
>>5200863>THIRST BOXINGDid the Dickster get swol in the two months?>AIR DEHIDRATIONI mean all the moisture is going inside of him so it balances out right?>WATER PULLINGCould WATER PULLING and THIRST BOXING be combined to pull people closer to us as we slam em in the face with a right hook? I.E. fist travels towards person at 30mph, other person is pulled to us at 30mph, inelastic collision of 60mph.Post saying if they fly into our fist it'd do more damage.>Choose oneOh shit I thought we were getting all of these. I'll leave the decision to other anons.
>>5200863>WATER PULLINGHow much of a human is water? And how much of the soil?
>>5201001I imagine punching someone in the face at 60 mph would also hurt our hand. A lot. Would be funny as fuck though, just don't try it on Guardian Angel.
>>5196660Was this fan art or art from another quest?
>>5200863Is it possible to increase the amount of water the water storing organ can hold and condense beyond 10 liters?
>>5201096We can hold up to 100L tho >>5194269
>>5201002>WATER PULLINGHumans are 60% water.If you weigh approximately 160 pounds, your body will contain about 12 gallons of water. For the ground it depends on the region, but the floor to the prison should be solid concrete so that's not likely to work.>THIRST BOXINGThe effects of being drained of fluids on the human body can kill or severely impair any organic opponent. While not as utilitarian as water pulling it might come in handy for future bodily manipulations >>5200874. And as >>5200892 stated water pulling may eventually lead us back to biological manipulation.(medical dehydration studies for those interested)https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2908954/
>>5201266Wait. We get food right?
Wait, if to pull water out of someone we have to be touching them with THIRST BOXING wouldn't that automatically mean we can't pull water out of someone with WATER PULLING ?
>>5201266Based study anonIf Ultra Lass comes for use, we could pull her eyes out.
>>5201313Nah, she's a cute psycho. It would be a shame to kill her.
>>5201346It would be a shame to be killed by her too.Plus, Gothica is better, at least on the grounds of not being a psycho.
>>5201392>Gothicaunbased and blue pilled
>>5201410But he's right, UL is a psycho and only an idiot sticks their dick in the crazy
>>5201784Are you implying we’re not an idiot (who’s oddly good a chemistry)?
>>5200863Is>high pressure peeingoff the table? I mean we can still suck water in, and it's a rule of nature that what goes in, must come out again. Braces can hardly keep a man from peeing.
>>5201866>Are you implying we’re not an idiotI was but when you put it like that you may have a point. It's objectively a dumb move but we are kinda dumb
>>5200863>Something else>Super mega hyper water squirter>Concentrating everything into your finger you make a super mega hyper water beam that can cut anything apart less than super duper space unobtainium and as far i dunno? A whole football field?
>>5200863>THIRST BOXING>>5201313Ultra Lass is an alien though. She could be mostly made of oil for all we know.
>>5202090>mostly made of oilAnon I can only get so erect
Thanks to a rigorous training you learned the WATER PULL ability! To keep it secret you'd lock yourself in the restroom stall for hours, honing your hydro kinetic power! Everyone now thinks you are a pervert who likes to listen to other people use the bathroom. A small price to pay for mastery over the elements!And because QM is a dummy and forgot to mention it before, the power only works on regular water in it's liquid state - you can't use it on people yetShould have I mentioned it earlier? Would it have won the vote if you knew? Maybe! But it is too late for regrets! Regrets are for losers, not Super Rogues!But don't worry! You didn't just spent 2 months hiding away in the restroom! You also got a new Skill! That's right, you spend some time learning and training... what exactly?Write in a new skill for us to have! Or like, some kind of cool training or a hobby. You can also choose to upgrade our Science +1 to +2, but that would be boring. You aren't filthy minmaxers, are you, anons?
>>5202501If we learned science before, then it's time to get better. Let's learn BIOLOGY. With this, we'll be able to find funny ways to knock people out or kill them.
>>5202512More specifically, knowing stuff like where exactly to hit someone to knock them out or which places are weaker or which places would be hurt worse if we dehydrated them.Not srue if that's a skill, though.
>>5202512>>5202520+1 mix between martial weaknesses and science
>>5202520I think that'd be PHYSIOLOGY.
Thoughts on PHYCOLOGY? We've already shown our skills in deception and charisma in the past (getting in as a janitor, cosplaying as an IRS representitive, switching the biggest stock out for a fake version). Imagine the possibilities if we gained the ability of phycology. Why use water to control people when you can simply mind fuck them into doing whatever we want?
>>5202501Legerdemain. Palming, pickpocketing, sleight of hand... With STYLE.
>>5202501>Learn LAWOnly VILLAINS and ROGUES would do something as EVIL as LAW. It is time to turn the system against the heroes. We were on the right track with pretending to be an IRS man before, we just didn't have the necessary LAW experience before. Surely a stock made by the devil violates some financial bylaws that we could've quoted.
>>5202501Considering how bad we were at it before, maybe the fine and sophisticated art of LYING. Maybe then we wouldn't be called Dickman
Okay, okay, we've got a bunch of picks! Gotta decide on one!We got:>>5202512Biology!>>5202525>>5202520Let's just call it Martial Arts!>>5202542Phycology! (whatever that is)>>5202550Legerdemain! (wow, cool word)>>5202557LAW! (that might be too evil)>>5202560The Noble Art of Lying!Vote for the one you like! If there is no clear winner I'll just choose at random, lol
>>5202612>LawIf only because the idea of us learning the LAW in order to better break/bend it is too entertaining to pass up. May also help restrain Ultra Lass (faint hope)
>>5202612I think we should learn lying. It was our biggest weakness last time.
Also, one thing here, if we want to look like less of a 30 year old loser, we should shave our scraggly beard when we get the chanceIt just makes us look like an unemployed couch potato. Granted, we kind of were a loser before, and we still kind of are, but you shave for the life you want, not the life you have.
>>5202654I dunno, I think it looks pretty dashing. Pull our hair back in a ponytail, trim our facial hair to a good 5 o' clock shadow, and we can pull off a sexy swashbuckler look. We've got the nose and the abs for it! Really own the high-seas legacy our dear ma and da left us, cursed be their names.
>>5202681No one looks good with scraggly beard. We want to be a dashing rogue, not a man who looks like he's about to die of scurvy.
>>5202612>LawI say we play the Dirty lawyer angle. Mostly because getting away with heists through legal loopholes would be epic.We can start by pinning the biggest stock heist on Mr. Crumbs.
>>5202612>LAWTechnically, learning Law would be learning how to lieExcept if anyone asked if it was, then we would lie
One day all the comic books at the prison's library were taken and so you picked up a Book about LAW!You found out some wild stuff! Apparently people have rights?? And those rights can be defended in the court of law??? Sounds far fetched, but the book says it's totally true!You finished the book in two months. Thanks to your superior intelligence, you now have a Law degreeAll checks for LAW now have a +1 !
>>5202764To summarize, you Prison Discoveries were:1. Prison sucks.2. Toilets can flush both ways when you have super powers.3. Laws exist and you are now a master of them.But the final discovery is the most important of all! You made it while analyzing your previous heist, trying to understand what went wrong...
>>5202766You learned about robots and cyborgs and how to deal with them so you won't be fooled again by any machine or half machine again.
>>5202766You see, the last heist had two major problems:First, there were 5 asshole super heroes and only one of you, and five is bigger than one. Fascinating. Second, the one guy you did have on your side turned out to be a bitch and a hoe. And then it hit you! Of course!This is it! This is how you become THE GREATEST SUPER ROGUE in the history!
>>5202771You will assemble The Greatest Heist Crew in history of Heist Crews! By collecting 5 more rogues as excellent as you are, you will pull off THE GREATEST HEIST, and will go down in the history as a legendary super rogue!Using all of your knowledge of heist movies, literary tropes and character archetypes, you draw out a perfect roster for a dream team of thieves. Here it is:MASTERMINDHot and intelligent leader who plans the heist (but also kinda good at everything, because he's the main character) That's you!GRIFTERSmooth talking liar who can grift people and infiltrate fancy parties! May or may not be a hot babe.BURGLARSomeone who's good at cracking safes, picking pockets and parkouring his way into tight spaces. Parkouring part is very important, he's gonna be the one we send to dodge lasers and stuff like that.HACKERSomeone who can "break through the firewall" and "download the mainframe"! A brainy guy to deal with computers and stuff!MUSCLESome real scary mother fucker! We need a tough bastard who can go toe to toe with super heroes when the push comes to shove!WILD CARDSome wild weirdo who can Deus Ex Machina our asses out of danger when all other plans fail.
>>5202785This plan is flawless. We should get on it!Before escaping this prison, we should find one crew member for our ultimate heisting crew! I mean, you are in prison, seems like a good place to look.Let's do it! Which crew member out of this list should we look for first? Who's gonna be the one to help us escape this ocean of stone?
>>5202786Hacker. We need to get rid of this thing holding back our powers.
>>5202786Start with the Wild Card, and what better way to find him then to wonder aimlessly until you bump into him, you are positive that you'll sense his Wild Cardness when you met him.
>>5202788aight, Hacker it is>>5202790that's a good plan! keep it in mind for later!Alright fellas! Time to CREATE A HACKER!Post your ideas, any ideas. Super powers, skills, quirks, features. What they should look like, what they backstory should be. I'll pick and choose in random fashion and fill out the rest!
>>5202803Okay, so, listen, it's a hacker...except he looks like he could be the muscle.
>>5202803>Ipad Kid Dossier:ROGUE TYPE: HACKERSUPER POWERS AND SKILLS: EXPERT HACKER, SUPER REFLEXES, CAN TYPE ON THE IPAD REALLY REALLY FASTAPPEARANCE: 12 YEAR OLD CHILD, OVERWEIGHT, EYEBAGS FROM STAYING UP TOO LONGBACKGROUND: SINCE HIS BIRTH IPAD KID HAS BEEN NEGLECTED BY HIS PARENTS AND INSTEAD FOUND SOLACE IN THE IPAD. HE HAS BEEN USED TO CONSTANT STIMULATION FROM THE INTERNET AND BECOME WARPED FROM IT UNABLE TO GENERATE ENOUGH DOPAMINE FROM HIS BRAIN USED TO STIMULATION SINCE HIS BIRTH. TURNED TO HACKING WITH HIS GRUBBY LITTLE FINGERS ON HIS IPAD FOR THRILLS INSTEAD OF GOING OUTSIDE. SERVING A LIFE SENTENCE FOR HACKING INTO GOVERNMENT MILITARY FACILITIES AND PILOTING MILITARY DRONES FOR FUN. RESPONSIBLE FOR 1,000 DEATHS.
>>5202803Hacker, who can separate his soul from its body and can either poltergeist his way with things to unlock them or digitalize its soul to hack computer systems. Our hacker made a living by hacking people systems and demand they pay for any information it may have eventually he was caught when he messed with too many gacha addicts and they leaked the info to the cops. Appearance I dunno, a very lanky guy who can barely see without his lens?
>>5202803He's the ghost of Terry Davis. He haunts the security system and poltergeist the prison every time a glowi walks in.
>>5202785What about a Bionic Cyber Criminal? Someone who's got power like >>5202806 stated, and skill.On backstory: our hacker is an old friend from Chemistry class. He took a part of his face off after an experiment gone wrong and put himself back together with enhancements. The dude's a swiss army knife and can go go gadget us out of sticky situations.
>>5202819Terry Davis should be our new computer man
>>5202803A Monkey born with amazing luck. It types on the keyboard randomly but because it’s extreme luck it manages to type perfect code every time.
>>5202803prodigy hacker from back when the world was cyberpunk. fell into a coma while jacked in.waking up from the coma five years ago, he claims to have been in the afterlife of nearly-minds - things that are almost sentient, but not quite. these include e.g. trees, computers and trends. and given a mission: to minimize the number of philosophical zombies that ever enter that afterlife, by preventing their creation.power: HACKING. it's been a while since he awoke, so he's pretty much caught up. not among the very best, but still a damn good hacker. and sometimes modern technology forgets old tricks.PRIEST OF NEARLY-MINDS. can talk to nearly-minds. can use this to gain information and influence their behavior. larger and more distributed things (like trends) generally think slower, so the message he sends needs to be big, and the answer will be delayed. nearly-minds other than philosophical zombies support him and his mission.weaknesses:philosophical zombies attempt to end him. they cannot hate him, but they sure act like it.low muscle mass. not absurdly low, but he's recovering from a coma.goals:prevent the creation of philosophical zombies.break his old computer out too. he considers it a friend.in prison for hacking a bunch of advertisement services to make minute changes to their ads.this may be related to how vtubers ended as a concept before AI vtubers could be created, but he has (wisely) not confessed to this.has probably done a lot of things he wasn't caught for.
>>5202817Supporting. Spooky shiny glasses are a must, though.>>5202803
>>5202803A graphing calculator haunted by a nerd.
>>5202803Hacker but the physical type of hacking
>>5202803A guy that absolutely HATES computers, and spends all his time looking for ways to destroy them
>>5202806>hacker looks like the muscle>muscle looks like the hacker>mastermind looks like the wildcard>????>Profit
>>5202857Yes this +1
>>5202803Seconding >>5202806as for backstory: He's a burly Polish man who was an unwilling part of a soviet super soldier program. The program tripled his intelligence and quadrupled his physical abilities but this came at a price of causing his lifespan to plummet whenever he used the more physical aspects of his powers. Before he was able to defect the facility he was in was raided and he was captured and is held as a political prisoner in the US. He uses his intelligence mostly now in order to prolong whatever life he has left. He looks like if Tom Selleck was force fed anabolic steroids for 5 years.
>>5203004>>5202962>>5202806+1 Give polish/russian Hacker bro to cherishhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F9hagVL-__c
>>5202803Get pic related and make it the grand prize in a HACKATHON. Like who can hack the snack machine in the break room.
>>5203151>>5203004>>5202962>>5202911>>5202907>>5202894>>5202857>>5202823>>5202819>>5202814>>5202806aight, I pretty much got it>>5202786Your daydreaming is rudely interrupted by a loud voice booming from outside. It's THE WARDEN speaking through the prison's intercom system!:The Warden: "Alright, you goofs, it's 6 AM, time to get out of your cells and get up to some shenanigans! I better see ya all get into wacky adventures before the lunch time!"The bars in your cell slide up.
>>5203541You shamble from out of your cell, emerging in all of your moist, depressed glory.DICK MAN IS ON THE LOOSE. I REPEAT, DICK MAN IS ON THE LOOSE.How do we wanna spend this fun prison day, fellas? It's a very progressive prison so you're pretty much allowed to wander all over the place. (Under a constant threat of extreme violence)There is a library, a gym, a laundry room, a Blood Pit, a lunch room, the phone room - you know, regular prison type locations!~ Where should we go and what should we do? I guess figuring out the escape plan and looking for our hacker should be the priorities, but you know, we can also just do whatever. You have 10 years in this dump, plenty of time.
>>5203545Go to the laundry room and shave that awful attempt at an beard
>>5203545library sounds like a good place to identify a hacker, see who's looking at computer books. some libraries even have computers! but maybe not prison libraries.I could also go for laundry room. impress prospects with hygiene!
>>5203545>Go to library
>>5203545Say hello to Snake Man in the back there.
>>5203545Probable places to find the hacker:-The prison library. Since were looking for someone with an intelectual skill set, it might be best to try and find them reading. If not we can read up on electronics (might help us break our ankle monitor)-Their fairly strong, so the gym or blood pit might get us into a combat scenario with the hacker. Probably not the best if were limited to basic hand to hand. -The workshop. They might also be looking to build themselves a new electronic device to start up their hacking empire once more. The best place to farm tools and electrical parts would be the workshop.-Cafeteria. Its 6AM, breakfast is the most important meal. Lets start the day off right.
>>5203545>lunch roomlet's grab a snack first
>>5203545Lunch room. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
>>5203545>lynch roomim hungry irl
>>5202501You know, once we get out of prison we'll have Water Pull AND Super Squirts we should be able to infinitely propel ourselves by squirting out water...and then sucking it back in. Since squirting it out should transfer momentum to us, but the action of pulling it probably doesn't. If anything, it would probably add to propelling us, since it would hit us while being reabsorbed.
>>5203690feels like 'levitate the plank youre standing on to fly' kind of idea
>>5203545>The room of stuffingWhere we stuff our belly with NASTY PRISON food.
>>5203545>Lunch room followed by library
>>5203545>lunch roomAlso what effects do the chemicals the government puts in the tap water have on our powers?
>>5204573Nothing. We have the ability to drain water, not chemicals. So by draining a glass of water we leave anything that isnt H20 in the cup, so any poisons and or chemicals get filtered. We always should always have a supply of pure fresh water even if we rip it from the toilet.Now comes the question>Can dick man drink his own piss?
>>5204628>what comes out goes back inwe Mr.Selfsufficient now.
You hungry! You enter the lunch room!It's all the usual faces of Block C, separated into their usual clicks, each seating at their own table.There are the jocks, the goths, the cool kids, the neo nazis, the nerds and of course, the looser's table. (This is where you usually sit, because you are a non conformist and have no regard for superficial social hierarchies)WHAT DO NOW???
>>5204653Take our FOODZShoot the shit with Mighty Pooman@looser's
>>5204653>Sit with the table with the guy with the snakemen they look cool
>>5204653>Get grub>approach nerd table>chemistry check to impress them with our nerd knowledge while we stuff our face
>>5204653Actually sit with nerd we need a hacker
>>5204675+1>>5204653But include our knowledge of all things law. We'd easily make a good lawyer.
>>5204653We gotta get our FOODZ before anything.
>>5204653>>5205426>>5204675>>5204663With your stomach growling and saliva dripping from your mouth you shamble towards the food, like a wild, ravenous breakfast monster!
>>5205539I can relate to this character.
>>5205539You collect the usual Prison Slop (TM) from the prison cook and about to head to a table, when he slams two delicious smelling plates on the counter!Prison Cook: "Here! THE WARDEN wants you guys to be in a good mood for tomorrow's special event. So you get a little extra something.You can have this Plate of Pancakes OR this Plate of Waffles. Choose, D-Man"OH FUCK! Oh shit you guys! This is it. It all comes down to this. THE BIG CHOICE! The big moral conundrum! Everything will be effected by what plate you choose on this day! Which party members die?! Which secret ending we get?? Everything will come back to this decision!DO YOU PRESS X? OR DO YOU PRESS B??
>>5205556Waffles are the superior choice
>>5205564also >Press B
>>5205556Wait, are these Belgian waffles or American style
>>5205556>XWaffles are for filthy belgians, we aren't belgian
>>5205556>Waffles have strawberries, so B. Pancakes are great, but cherries SUCK.
>>5205583>cherries SUCKThose are blueberries, sorry, should have clarified
>>5205556Obviously this choice is symbolic, or perhaps it may lead us to a new scenario? Either way it is clear either choice with change the timeline. We have to approach this situation wit the utmost caution.>The big moral conundrum! Everything will be effected by what plate you choose on this day!Each buttons color directly correlates with the plate (red for strawberries and blue for berries) going off of color theory red is drectly connected to emotion and passion. Blue however is related to calmness and respect. While either breakfast meal should suffice we must make sure our choice has a positve impact for our future scinario's, what will the table think of our meal, what about the server?Waffles hold syrup. Their structure provides strength and efficiency. Perhaps we may need to call upon their memory in trying times to come. On the pancakes side, we have tradition and unity, all pancakes are always connected 100%. They work perfectly as a team metaphor, this memory could be used to rally our allies in a moment of chaos.Final answer:>B, Passion, Strength and Efficiency
>>5205556I’ll take the redpill for waffles plz
>>5205556We have waterpowers in animation and comics water is usually blue so>X
MFs thinking this has to be some actually important choice and how this is going to affect our boy PowersWhen surely this can be something about the Warden using this to separate the inmates in two teams for a baseball Match or something like that
>>5206109>taking the literal blue pill
>>5206222Well the red pill is estrogen, and D-Man don't have D-ysphoria
THE CHOICE IS MADEYou take your Plate of Waffles as the cruel wheels of fate begin to turn.And you make your way to the nerd's table! Of course, this the perfect place to find a Hacker for your crew!You slam your food on their table drawing immediate attention to yourself.This is it! All eyes are on you! You harden your muscles (and nipples) to maximize your charisma and say out loud the best science related joke you can think of! The one that will surely impress a table full of evil geniuses!WHICH IS WHAT EXACTLY??? You should have probably thought of a joke before coming here. That's okay, anons will surely help you out!And let's roll a 1d6 for our (non existent) charisma while we at it
>>5206489I was once approached by a frenzied scientist, who yells, "I'm going to put my quantum harmonizer in your photonic resonation chamber!" You know what I said?"But doctor, wouldn't that cause a parabolic destabilization of the fission singularity?"It's a classic!
Rolled 2 (1d6)>>5206489woops forgot the dice
Rolled 4 (1d6)>>5206489>UH UH KNOCK ON WOOD
Rolled 5 (1d6)>>5206489
>>5206498>>5206496Right, here's one! You stretch yourself out on the table to make sure everybody hears your awesome joke! Soaking in the Prison Slop you yell the funny joke, all in one breath!"I WAS ONCE APPROACHED BY A FRENZIED SCIENTIST WHO YELLS IM GOING TO PUT MY QUANTUM HARMONIZER IN YOUR PHOTONIC RESONATION CHAMBER"*WHEEZE* *WHEEZE*"YOU KNOW WHAT I SAID?"
"BUT DOCTOR, WOULDN'T THAT CAUSE A PARABOLIC DESTABILIZATION OF THE FISSION SINGULARITY??""SING... singularity..."
>>5206663The four evil scientists stand up and each pull out various self made Super Tech prison shivs.Evil Scientist 1: "You think you can pick on us, just because we are the intellectuals of this prison, huh, you imbecile??"Evil Scientist 2: "Think you're better than us because you have big muscles and charming, entertaining personality??"Evil Scientist 3: "Scientifically speaking, you're dead meat, chump!"Oh oh~ Someone is in trouble!~ You. You're in trouble. The four super nerds are about to shank you to death.How do you get out of this one, Dick Man?? What do we do??? We can't become the greatest rogue if get killed by nerds!!
>>5206675>Run screaming to the loser table. Losers stick together.Poop man will eat them all up
>>5206675Make a poor man's slip and slide on the floor with our water powers and send these losers downstream
>>5206684We'd have to pull the water to do that though or we get hit with the shock. Guess we gotta start finding cups of water to pull from
Throw the table at them. They're NERDS so they won't be able to dodge, and their tiny shivs won't be able to cut it.
>>5206675"If you think my personality is charming and entertaining, why are you trying to shank me?"
>>5206675>I can help you guys GET LAID!! this should at least stop them in their tracks for now.
>>5206675Would true men of science be so barbaric as to eliminate their opponent with weaponry? Any intelligent scientist would show their true power with wit, not by strength. I say we challenge them to a duel of intellect, the topic? Chemistry.>>5206771If we fail, pull out the grunt card. While not as intelligent as our allies, we can still supply them with a our own set of valuable assets. Our strength and personality would absolutely help the nerds get an upper hand in social situations.
>>5206675I know you four won't dare strike me down. You know why?Because I'm a foreever DM. That's right baby. Pathfinder, D&D, FATE, Battletech. I've ran them all, and by look at you all I know none of you want to DM your own games. You need me, but I also have need of you.
>>5206675>Scream "I HAVE NO PERSONALITY WHAT ARE YOU SCHIZOS TALKING ABOUT">Throw the table at them.Create opening for further negotiations
Rolled 6 (1d6)>>5207517This one is funny, let's do this one.Gonna roll for martial arts myself
Rolled 4 (1d6)>>5207583I hope the roll was for us
>>5207583Prison made us JACKED
Where is my fix of dick QM
>>5209878I hope the quest yet lives.
>qm got hit by the table
Dead whomp whomp
>>5207583WOW big sorry for the long wait you guys, QM had one of those "fucky wucky" kind of weeks.Anyways! We will now return to our usual schedule of daily shenanigans!Speaking of OH FUCK, DICK MAN IS GOING APESHIT!!!You feel Moist Energy* coursing through your body as you lift the heavy table over your head!*not a real thing
>>5214780Using the sudden rush of power, you throw the table at the two middle nerds!You improvised projectile flies through the air with an outstanding velocity and with a loud *SHLOMP* hit the two straight on!The impact causes them to simultaneously loose their glasses, which the weak spot of all nerds! These evil geniuses are out of commission!
>>5214788A crowd of inmates quickly gathers, surrounding you and the nerds in a cheering circle!Inmates: "YEAH FUCK EM UP, TOILET BOI" "Ey, ey, I got 10 cigs on the nerd squad. Who's in?""NO WAY, Dick Boy is JACKED, he'll stomp the four eyed geeks FOR SURE!"Laughter and yelling continues all around you as the inmates start their betting. It looks like there hasn't been a good prison fight for a long time! Even a guard joins the spectators with a sly grin on his face!Okay, you got this. You ABSOLUTELY can't loose this fight. If you loose to a bunch of nerds, you'll become the PRISON BITCH for sure!!!You take a fighting stance and focus your Moist Energy* on your body, preparing for the epic showdown!*still not a real thing, you literally just made it up
>>5214803The leftover nerds are not giving up!Scar Nerd: "YOU think you'll get away with this?? We'll show you how true VILLAINS handle little troglodyte [и]PUNKS [/и]like [и]YOU[/и]. With our [и]SUPERIOR [/и]wits and bright intellect, we'll [и]HANDLE [/и]you, [и]HOOLIGAN[/и]!"Fat Nerd: "I"LL FUCKING CUT YOU, U BITCH"The fat nerd launches at you with his Super Tech shiv! He's... pretty slow! You have a chance to react!What do you do, D-Man??
>>5214816>>5214816>Grab his singular hair and yank him down. Everyone knows that fat people's fatal flaw is their top-heavy balance!Finally I get some dick
>>5214820Support."If you'd rolled with me, I could have got you LAID. Now, I'm just going to LAY YOU OUT.">>5214816See above. Battle and banter. The banter is important, to be a proper rogue.
>>5214780>>5214803>Moist Energy>spoilerWhat about our Big Dick Energy?Can we own up to the name we were burdened with?
>>5214820While grabbing him by the single hair would be good, I propose ripping off his mustache instead. That would easily reduce him from Major Antagonist to Monster-of-the-Day status.
>>5214816Swiftly and gracefully you grab the single hair of the Fat Nerd!As you yank it down to put the nerd to the floor, the hair... snaps off??Yeah, like some kind of a ninja barber, you tear out of the only, singular hair the old mad had left.D-Man: ""If you'd rolled with me, I could have got you LAID. Now, I'm just going to LAY YOU OUT."Now the taunt doesn't really makes sense. Oh well.You strike a cool pose to make it look like this was your actual plan.>>5214838I don't know, our dick energy has not been yet determined. You can roll a 2d6 to determine the energy of our dick, as measured in inches.
Rolled 1, 2 = 3 (2d6)>>5214975Lets go.
>>5214975AND THEN THE NERD FUCKING EXPLODES
>>5214987lmaoWelcome back OP! Next time pls tell us when you have to stop updating for a little while
>>5214987The fat nerd's body falls to the ground. Smoke is rising from his head.The guard takes a step forward and speaksGuard: "Holy shit, Dick Man, what a move! To think you'd recognize this fat nerd as The Fuse Man, a scientist born with a horrible mutation that turned his head into a living bomb! This poor fella spend his whole life trying to fix himself, but all he did is end up in a prison for operating without a license, trying to make enough money to support his research.I mean, he isn't dead, but I he'll be in a coma for the next week. I hear the pain he feels every time his head explodes is truly immense! Didn't take you for a cruel type, Dick Man!But either way, this is actually getting pretty fun! How about we raise the stakes a bit?"With that the guard presses a secret button located in his right gauntlet!"Who ever wins this one get's 20 cigarettes from me personally"
>>5215005You feel a strong buzz from the anti super power bracelet on your leg and then a click. The guard turned it off! You can now use your squirting powers!You turn to the last nerd with a smile of a man who has been storing up toilet water for the last 2 months and now, can finally let it all out!You currently have 95 liters of water!>>5214978Also, unrelated to this, it is now canon that your dick is 3 inches. It's okay, size isn't everything. Let's just focus on beating this nerd for now, we can unpack this later.
>>5214978Hahaha, oh fucking hell.>>5215011Don't go for the obvious full-power water blast. Instead, fake him out, slick the ground with some water, and use it to trip him. ACTUALLY lay him out.
>>5215013+1Squirt him in the back to keep him down once he's down.
>>5215011>Also, unrelated to this, it is now canon that your dick is 3 inches.Why even live
>>5215011>>5215013>>5215018You consider your squirting options as suddenly you hear the same buzz and click coming from the nerd with a scar.Oh, I guess the guard turned off his bracelet too.Suddenly, his form begins to change rapidly.Scar Nerd: "AH! Why, thank you, guard, good sir! It's been ages since I was allowed to stretch these old bones of mine... And to top it off, now I get to teach this WHELP a LESSON in RESPECT!"
>>5215036You watch as the nerd shapeshifts in front of your, growing to about 8 feet tall.His body bulges with muscle and grows a thick layer of fur, as his mouth stretches out and spawns a row of terribly sharp looking teeth.
>>5215041Oh! Now you recognize this guy!it's Doctor Von Schädling! The infamous evil genius!In one of his inhuman experiments, he exposed himself to a mutagen, that gave him a power to shapeshift into an inexplicably buff rat man! With a combination of his strength and intellect, he committed a multitude of villainies, defeated dozens of super heroes and conducted science experiments of unspeakable cruelty.He is currently serving a sentence for tax evasion.If you remember correctly, this form gives him super strength, heightened reflexes, razor sharp claws, animal like senses and a minor healing factor. He also gets to keep his super intellect....ALRIGHT D-MAN! It's time for strategy! >>5215019NOO! Don't think about how your dick is only 3 inches long! Now is not the time! Now is the time for strategy! Only your brilliant mind can get you out of this one! QM has only like, one deus ex machina planned for this encounter and it's not a very good one, so better make a plan and better make it a good one!
>>5215049 Hmmm..well, maybe we could try to use a pressurized water jet on the region of his scar eye. It could hurt him.
>>5215049>"HA, LOOKS LIKE YOU SKIPPED LEG DAY, DR. VORE SEWERGARGLE">Pressure wash his kneecaps and make distance>>5215011Our dick is 3 inches for the most optimal superhydrodynamics.
>>5215057I like this idea, lets try to avoid using water pull so the guards dont add that to our list
>>5215049>super strength, heightened reflexes, razor sharp clawsGetting within punching range of him seems like a bad idea.We have some range with our watersquirts and water to spare.We have steamrocket for emergency mobility.We have dehydration and waterpulling powers we should probably keep hidden from guard betting in our fight.Finally, we have our roguish charm and wits aplenty.Lets pressurewash those rat nipples and see how he likes it.
>>5215061Extremely good point, his legs are very small. Let's pressure jet his left eye to distract him, then break his kneecaps.
>>5215011>it is now canon that your dick is 3 inchesWe can just pump it up to size with some water when we need.In the future.Probably.Right?
>>5215099He probably tried earlier
>>5215061prob easier to fuck up his eye first becfore we bust his kneecaps💦💦💦
>>5215061>>5215212Supporting this combo.>>5215049As above. Keep just enough in the tank to jet away for a quick escape if it fails.
>>5215216>>5215212>>5215094>>5215061>>5215061Aight, sounds goodThese days we have full control of our squirting power BUT we are facing an experienced opponent! Someone make a 1d6 roll to see how well can we execute these kinds of moves on a guy who thought dozens super powered assholes before!
Rolled 5 (1d6)>>5215270okay
>>5215270>>5215284>nerd>thought dozens super powered assholes beforeI bet he was certain that with both superior intellect and impressive musculature he could take on everything.
>>5215284Man... Can't wait to see the reaction of all the inmates if we actually win with this rollHopefully the guards won't grow paranoid and put us in a high-security room because of this.
>>5215270But we forget the true counter to to super powered villains. Below average puns that sound cool in our head, but sucks to hear out loud!>Guess this rat is getting flushed down the sewer>Time to bag this fleabag>Looks like the rat got caught out of his lab
>>5215270Dissolution is about to make an announcement.
I love how MC's looked like he's about to fuck someone's shit up for the last several panels.
>>5215376Supporting the flushing pun. Also, if we win this, let's make sure as top dog we "remind" everyone that our name is NOT Dick Man.
>>5216132We stay with our name at the beggining or do we change it? Like, this would be the best moment to do so
>>5216175Dissolution is a pretty good name though I may be biased. Plus, we MUST be pretty dillusioned by now, eh?
>>5216197As if living in an orphanage system wasn't enough, we have become further disillusioned by our society's criminal justice and punitive systems. We've taken up law to fight this tyranny!>robin-hood style "vigilante" rogue
>>5215270>>5215284AAUUUGHHHHHIn one swift and powerful motion you reach out your hand and aim a powerful concussive squirt right into the eye of Doctor Von Schädling!It feels incredible to let it out for the first time in two months! You get so excited that the blast comes with some extra punch!
>>5216525Your aim is true! The water stream blasts the monstrous doctor right into his scarred eye!That will give him something to cry about! (Damn, that one was good, you should have said that out loud)Schädling: "AAAGH! FUCK!"The hard-nippled rat man is stunned!
>>5216530You use this opportunity to weave around your opponent and prepare a special high pressure water squirt!
>>5216534*WHOOOOSH!*In one elegant motion, you slice the back of his weak looking legs with a stream of high pressure water!It's like you are wielding a cool water blade, like some kind of a cool moisture based samurai!Maybe you should have been a samurai? Or, like, a water ninja, like in that one anime?NO! YOU ARE A ROGUE! And rogues say cool one liners in moments like these!Dick Man: "Guess this rat is getting flushed down the sewer!"Eh. I don't know? You are not really flushing him, you are attacking him with highly pressurized streams of water. Fuck, fuck, okay, it's to late to make up another one, just play it cool.
>>5216541The mighty vermin looses balance and falls on his knees!Schädling: "EGH! D-DAMN IT"You ground yourself and spread out your arms, ready for whatever comes next in this fearsome melee!You have the upper hand, (3 inch) Dick Man! The rat man can recover at any second. You better seize this advantage! Maybe pull another uncharacteristically awesome move? Or like, I dunno, go get more waffles. Do whatever, man, I'm not your dad. You have 90 liters of water left
>>5216556Blast him good, until he looks like a drowned ratAlso, make that pun. Aloud.
>>5216556Move in for the KO>concussive blast to the back of rattos head
>>5216559Being a rat, he doesn't have a specific "back" of the head, but his brain is in the place above his eyes. So strike around here
>>5216556>"AND FOR MY FINAL TRICK I WILL TURN THIS RAT INTO A FOUNTAIN">Aim for his ass
>>5216556Tell him to give up or we show him what happens when high pressured water hit his nuts and dick, if he doesn't then do it and deliver a cool line.
>>5216556>Blast water up his nose. It'll make him really uncomfortable and make him cough really hard
>>5216582This. Do THIS with the "Drowned rat" pun!I'm >>5216557, by the way.>>5216556
>>5216599+1Objectively the funniest thing we could do.
wait. We're standing behind him, it almost looks like he's presenting himself. ENEMA MAN!
>>5216666THE QUADS HAVE SPOKENWE WILL NOW MAKE HIM SHIT HIMSELF
>>5216582This is really fucking funny +1
>>5216666Holy fucking shit quadsActually >>5216709Changing my vote+1 to quads guy ENEMA TIME
>>5216666Quads are quads.>>5216599>>5216557Nevermind these, enema time. If he turns around, get the face and make the pun. Otherwise, I guess he's just a dirty rat>>5216556
>>5216666+1this is going to suckfor him and our reputation
>>5217540>>5216736>>5216713>>5216708>>5216698>>5216666The stars are aligned.A dark flame[/spoiler] flickers within you.You feel overcome with a terrible purpose.Time stands still and the air grows heavy as you lift your hand, charge a water blast of pure evil.Just as you feel like you're about to burst, you stretch out your arm towards the rat man kneeling in front of you and........
>>5217932Doctor Von Schädling: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
>>5217939It is prison...When in Rome, do as the Romans do...
at least nobody will dare to touch us from now on
>>5217939Bet he's feeling pretty DISSOLUTIONED right about now?
P E N E T R A T I O N
>>5217939Okay, okay, someone please, roll 1d6+1 for Schädling's retaliation! Such cruelty can not continue!
Rolled 6 + 1 (1d6 + 1)>>5218000HERE WE GONice trips, by the way
>>5218002thas not good
>>5218002>>5217999And so the penetrator becomes the penetrated. :(
>>5218002God I hope he doesn't shit himself +1.
>>5218002we're gonna get jet-blasted by shit aren't we?
>>5218000The crowd around you is yells and cheers as you pump the once respected evil genius full of water! Several inmates around you vomit! Some laugh! A few have concerning erections!Oh no! Dick Man is drunk on power! He begins to gloat!Quick, give me some good gloats! Really speak out your frustrations, guys! This is our one moment of glory!
>>5218130Pride cometh before the fall, I guess/spoiler]"I bet you're feeling DISSOLUTIONED now, aren't you? Yeah, that's my name. Not Dick-Man. NEVER DICK-MAN! DISSOLUTION! Say my name, you dirty rat! SAY IT!"There's no way to gloat, in a rambling cathartic speech, while giving a man a prolonged an enema, without it seeming sexual. Might as well own it.
>>5218130Pride cometh before the fall, I guess"I bet you're feeling DISSOLUTIONED now, aren't you? Yeah, that's my name. Not Dick-Man. NEVER DICK-MAN! DISSOLUTION! Say my name, you dirty rat! SAY IT!"There's no way to gloat, in a rambling cathartic speech, while giving a man a prolonged an enema, without it seeming sexual. Might as well own it.
>>5218140How do you like that, Dr. Von Bitchboy? Wanna go Rat Pack on me? I'll beat you MY WAY!
>>5218163>>5218140>>5218130(Never) Dick Man: "I bet you're feeling DISSOLUTIONED now, aren't you? Yeah, that's my name. Not Dick-Man. NEVER DICK-MAN! DISSOLUTION! Say my name, you dirty rat! SAY IT How do you like that, Dr. Von Bitchboy? Wanna go Rat Pack on me? I'll bea..."
>>5218167(Not) Dick Man: "e"
>>5218171Meanwhile, on the other end of the lunch room!Mysterious Man: "And this one an original Charizard from the very first set, that one is super rare and expansive. And this one is a Secret Rare Sylveon from a recent set - that one isn't really special, but it's my favorite Pokémon so it has sentimental value. Oh! And this one is a Vaporeon, it's very good for..."
>>5218178SLAAM!The water bloated rat man slams you head first into a lunch table, cracking it in half! You take 4 hits of damage! You have 6 hits left!
How can he be so nimble with that much water up his ass?
>>5218187Doctor Von Schädling: "I AM GOING TO CRACK OPEN YOUR SKULL AND THEN FUCK YOUR SAD EXCUSE OF A BRAIN WITH MY 12 INCH RAT COCK"W-wow. I think this guys is really mad at you. He isn't even saying funny evil doctor words.Okay, the next part is too graphic for me to draw on a blue board so this is the end of the drawquest.Wow! It was fun while it lasted! What was your favorite part? Mine was when we pumped water into a rat man's ass for absolutely no reason.Okay then! Dick Man is dead now! See you some other time, guys!>>5218191practice
>>5218202WAIT.... HE'S SHITTING HIMSELF. THE MASSIVE ENEMA IS MAKING HIM SHIT STOPPING HIS PUNCH.
>>5218202Naaw, Pokemon guy is gonna fuck rat mans shit up. Right? Right?
>>5218202BUT THEN!Mysterious Man: "Excuse me, sir!"
>>5218202My favorite part is when ratman doesnt kill Dissolution. please dont let it be the end, this is so much fun
>>5218227Mysterious Man: "Sorry to bother you! But it appears that during your scuffle you've knocked down our table and got my rare Pokémon cards spread all over the lunch room!Now, I know you didn't mean for this to happen. So why don't you put this depressed looking man down and help me collect my cards, so that we can put this incident behind us."WOW! A good soul has come to your aid! And this good soul IS HUGEE! Quick! Someone give me an intimidation roll, a 1d6+1, for our savior!>>5218204You guys are underestimating the clenching power of Doctor Von Schädling
Rolled 1 + 1 (1d6 + 1)>>5218238
...I'll show myself out
>>5218238Also while we at it we should make up a name for this gentlemen, for no particular reason.
Rolled 6 + 1 (1d6 + 1)>>5218238Mercy
>>5218246Jessica. His parents wanted him to be a girl. Don't make fun of him he has a complex about it.
>>5218246>Also while we at it we should make up a name for this gentlemenJessie Jassy
>>5218202>for absolutely no reasonTo ASSERT DOMINANCE.>>5218241Someone has to>>5218246He looks like a poindexter, but is about to pound this rat's (water-compacted) shit in. Shall we call him...POUNDEXTER?
okay, if we are not going to agree I will vote for >>5218256I like the reasoningcancel >>5218257
>>5218246Teddy Kaczynski>>5218202FORGIVE ME FOR MY LUCK>>5218238SAVED!>>5218241FUCK!What a rollercoaster of emotions
>>5218285>>5218264>>5218257>>5218256Jessica Joshels, villain name Poundexter?
>>5218238>>5218241Doctor Von Schädling: "FUCK OFF, POINTDEXTER! I have a GALLON of WATER up my ASS and no more FUCKS TO GIVE! SO how about you FUCK OFF before I RIP YOUR FACE OFF"
>>5218308SUCKER PUNCH HIM WHILE HE'S DISTRACTED
>>5218309Actually make sure to punch him in the stomach so that he can't hold it anymore.
>>5218309no, its better to use hidrokenisis to pull the water out through his mouth.
>>5218316This ain't hentai anatomy bro
>>5218325We don't know that. Mad science is involved.>>5218316Support.