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You wake up in your hotel room and stretch your rusty bones. This gunslinger ain’t been licked yet.
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Filled with the energy of a brand new day, you leap out of bed (disturbing your loyal horse Loretta in the process) and stride to the window. You slide the glass open and take a deep breath of the sunny morning air.

Then you spot a certain individual on the street below, and choke on that breath. It’s the deputy vice-sheriff! He’s roaming the town with an eye out for lowdown criminals to wrangle, and as it happens, that includes you. The deputy has the dubious honor of being the first feller to receive one of your patented smackdowns, so your relationship with the man is not exactly friendly.

You shut the window hurriedly and duck back into your room. If the deputy sees that you’re back in town, he might call in the boss sheriff to shake you around, or maybe he’ll just come up here to harass you himself.
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You decide that maybe you can hang out in the hotel lobby until the deputy leaves. You walk over to the door and try to open it, but *thump*! There’s something blocking the door from outside.

It’s always something around here. What a crappy hotel. You think of waiting around until someone comes by to let you out, but then you hear someone talking to the receptionist downstairs.

In a deep, rich, decidedly Italianissimo voice, a heavyset man asks the woman at the counter about the room of a cowboy-like fellow approximating your appearance, accompanied by a horse, possibly wearing a poncho? He’s a friend of this gunslinger, and he intends to come up to the room to bring his buddy a nice, big sandwich. You suspect, based on your recent act of corporate sabotage, that this henchman’s sandwich is of the knuckle-based variety.

The receptionist gives the man your room number, and he starts to clomp up the stairs.
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You find yourself between a rock and the frying pan. In one pickle and out the other. Looks like you’ve got a bird in one bush and a glass house in the fruit flies.

What do?
>Jump out the window and ambush the deputy
>Take your chances with the meathead goon
>Assemble a decoy
>Shoot the walls randomly
>Something else?

(Previous threads: https://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive.html?tags=western%20quest(ern))
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>>5227138
>Hide under the bed
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>>5227138
>Assemble a decoy
do the old "set-up-the-mirror-across-from-the-door-so-that-when-he-opens-the-door-he-thinks-the-reflection-is-you-but-you-get-the-drop-on-him-in-his-confusion" trick
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>>5227138
>Swap your hat to the one with the mightier rim
>Call up the reception and gun the goon down through the speaker
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>>5227235
+1

But if that fails

>>5227148
+1
>>
>>5227148
+1
>>
>>5227148
Classic
+1
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>>5227143
>>5227148
>>5227235
You make a quick call to the hotel desk, and order a heaping tray of bullets. Bang! Your shot ricochets off the wall and knocks off the goon's flat cap, spilling the cup of coffee he's storing underneath.

The goon was distracted by the exceedingly handsome figure he saw behind door 102, so he didn't see where the shot came from. He looks around in enraged confusion and notices the bust polisher strolling away - his walnut-sized brain makes a connection, and jumps on the poor worker.

While the meathead henchman is throttling the cleaning guy, you try to slip out. Unfortunately, Ben Stiller's massive marble mug is still in your way.

What do?
>Pick up some stuff nearby
>Convince the goon to move the bust
>Order grits
>Something else?
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>>5229245
>>Something else?
Bust our own nose in half and then say "Wow!"
youtube.com/watch?v=KlLMlJ2tDkg
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>>5229245
>Grab and drink the coffee
>Shoot the goon in his now-exposed head and arms
>Convince the rescued bust polisher to help us leave
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>>5229320
Another option is
>Shoot the guy
>Then wait in our room until the deputy leaves
>Climb out the window
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>>5229245
Drink the coffee, use the caffeine jitters to jackhammer the bust down
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>>5229245
>Bury the goon under the bust
You guys never played adventure games?
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Update Sunday due to important things.
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>>5230698
it's okay, king
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>>5229247
>>5229320
>>5229321
>>5229818
>>5230042
You gulp down the pitch black espresso. Wow! This tastes like shit! But damn if it doesn't perk you up.
Rootin’: 3.8 + 0.15 = 3.95
Tootin’: 4.85 + 0.15 = 5
Shootin’: 3.95 + 0.15 = 4.1

You leveled up your Tootin’! You can spend those points on perks, or leave them for skill checks.
>Trash Talk (Cost: 2) – Allows you to annoy enemies into throwing the item in their hand at you.
>Disarming Charm (Cost: 3) – Once per battle, you can flash a smile at the enemy that makes them drop the items in their hands.
>Seduction (Cost: 4) – Once per battle, you can seduce the enemy into dropping their pants.

You leveled up your Shootin’! You can spend those points on perks, or leave them for skill checks.
>Rifle Handling (Cost: 2)
>Low Blow (Cost: 3)
>Curving Bullets (Cost: 5)
Already have:
>Shotgun Handling
>Machine Gun Handling

You use your newfound caffeine jitters to vibrate the bust out of the way, then take a potshot at the goon's face. You manage to shoot off one of his arms as well as his cigarette, but he suddenly turns towards you, angered! You see that the deputy is still outside, so you run down the stairs, the goon in close pursuit.

What do?
>Bribe him
>Rig together an elaborate Rube Goldberg trap
>Offer him a friendly game of baccarat
>Something else?
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>>5234426
>Offer him to take out the sheriff together and then drink some booze. Why is he after you, anyway?
Use Tootin' boost if necessary.
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>>5234426
Push the spittoon in front of the door thug is coming from so he gets his foot stuck and has to stop.
Shoot the axes on top of the door so when goon walks through they hit his head.
Drink the booze on the card table to chase down the coffee. It's not a breakfast without some alcohol.
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>>5234434
>>Offer him to take out the sheriff together and then drink some booze. Why is he after you, anyway?
He's after us because we just blew up his boss's office. Reading comprehension. I'm 90% certain the guy with the glasses is also in cahoots.

>>5234465
Do this, then barricade ourselves in the kitchen, because I'm pretty sure the other two guys in here are going to come after us too.

Also, can anyone read what the sign says? I can make out "We shall never deny a guest even the..." and then it gets too cramped.
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>>5235016
"even the ones trying read?"
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>>5234426
challenge him to a game of rock paper scissors
>>5235016
even the ones who couldn’t fit “ridiculous request” at the bottom of their references?
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>>5235016
>Reading comprehension.
>>Reading comprehension.
>>>Reading comprehension.
Ever heard of "pretending to be stupid" and "making conversation", retard?
>I'm pretty sure the other two guys in here are going to come after us too.
How about you stop making up your own headcannon you fucking idiot? You aren't in monke quest thread.
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>>5235450
(you)
>>
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*sniff* Did somebody soil their diaper in this thread?

>>5234426
>Save Shootin' points, purchase Trash Talk
>Rube Goldberg
Let's Mouse Trap this fucker
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>>5235016
You inspect the kitchen. The hotel chef is in here, busy cooking up a fresh order of chili. He seems opposed to letting you barricade yourself in here, on account of the cramped room. You oughta lose some weight.

The sign says, “We shall never deny a guest even the most ridiculous request”.

(1/3)
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>>5234465
>>5235562
You rapidly assemble an improbably elaborate series of traps in order to stall the thug. You wait as the oaf rumbles down the hotel stairs and turns through the door into the lobby.

The second you see the whites of his eyes, you shoot the bottle of booze, which lands on a plank of wood, sending the spittoon skyward into the potted tree. Nutrient-rich sludge spilled from the spittoon causes the tree to grow, attracting a woodpecker, which drills into the side of the tree, creating a pile of sawdust. The window focuses sunlight onto the sawdust, causing the flammable powder to ignite. The fire heats up the surrounding air, causing a slight upward breeze that dislodges a playing card from its delicate perch on the card table. It floats upward, then falls on top of a domino line of stacked cards, causing them all to fall. The cascading cards fly in all directions, and one of them lands in the crack of a barrel. This barrel is already filled to the brim, and the touch of cardboard right in the chink in its armor causes it to catastrophically fail; the barrel ruptures and spills pickles and vinegar everywhere. A puddle of vinegar splatters to the ground. It finds its way into the grooves of the wooden floor, quickly slithering through the grouted tiles and straight to a spilled box of baking soda. Kaboom! The resulting explosion dislodges the axes from the plaque, which drop right onto the goon’s noggin and knock him silly.

(2/3)
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>>5234434
>>5235153
While the musclebound henchman is seeing stars, you wet your whistle with some firewater. Your Tootin’ and Shootin’ improve temporarily.
Tootin’: 5 +1 (alcohol bonus)
Shootin’: 4.1 +1 (alcohol bonus)


You walk up to the stunned bruiser and interrogate him with the help of Mr. Samuel Colt.
Now at your mercy, the big lug decides to spill the beans: he was hired by a skinny, pointy-looking feller to teach a lesson to the man what blew up his factory, or some other such thing.
The goon quirks his head. He says he might be willing to turn the tables on his former employer – with suitable incentive, of course. Always on the grind, this one.

You check your wallet and see that you have $6.39.

What do?
>Nintendo, hire that man!
>Fire that man (with a gun)
>Quagmire that man (?)
>Something else?

(3/3)
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>>5235450
You contemplate monke.
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>>5236614
>Nintendo, hire that man!
The adventure awaits
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>>5236614
>something else
>"Chef, bring me the Emulsifier"
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>>5236614
>Nintendo, hire that man!
I mean, I still want to buy/upgrade clothes, so only if his price is reasonable. Otherwise >Fire that man (with a gun)
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>>5236614
>>Quagmire that man (?)
Shake him down

Then pay him with his own stuff to hire him
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>>5237509
okay, kek, +1
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>>5237019
You raid the kitchen for a bottle of lecithin, for some reason.

>>5236666
>>5237458
>>5237509
You grab the thug and give him a good jiggle. Then you sneakily grab his wallet and pay him off with his own money. You believe this is what they call "stonks".

Tootin' check for hiring the goon:
Roll 1d20 +5 (Tootin’) +1 (alcohol bonus) +12 (given $12.00) -10 (recently robbed) +4 (at your mercy) -3 (ate without table). At least 17 to pass.
Increase roll by 1 for every $1.00 added to the deal, or by giving the goon items he might want.
>>
Rolled 6 (1d20)

>>5238835
>give him [4] booze
it will refill on a long rest
I have no idea how much money we have
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>>5238877
Dude
>You check your wallet and see that you have $6.39.
>>
Rolled 16 (1d20)

>>5238835
>>5238877
Speaking of, this roll is a 6 and we have a net +9, so I vote to give him $2 to compensate and succeed. Unless I roll higher bc I never know if it's bo1 or not.
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>>5238889
last post has nothing about our wallet
>>5238891
bruh just give him booze, money is important
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>>5238895
>>5236614
???????
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>>5238926
do you know which quest post was last?
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Yeah, uhhh...... Lemme get a fuckin'... Uhhhhhhh...............
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>>5238999
Do you think our money has vanished in the span of one post because QM didn't repeat the same exact thing immediately after he said it the first time?
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>>5238877
>>5238891
You hand the thug the $12 from his own wallet, plus throw in a bottle o' booze and a dollar from your own coffers.
You now have $5.39.

The goon stumbles to his feet, retrieves his hat and arms, and leaves, thanking you for your patronage. You watch as he jumps on his horse (parked just outside) and ride off in the general direction of the Hippodrome.

You feel more accomplished in the ancient art of bribery.
Tootin': 5 + 0.1 = 5.1

You see that the deputy has left, allowing you to exit the building.

What do?
>Head to the coal mine for the gun shopkeeper's sidequest
>Go shopping somewhere else in town
>Play cards
>Something else?
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>>5241157
>>Go shopping somewhere else in town
Let's go to the Haberdashery before tackling the quest. It could be (irl) months before we have downtime again.
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>>5241157
eee
>Go shopping somewhere else in town
need a bigger hat still
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>>5241157
>Go shopping somewhere else in town
>Something else?
Play hopscotch with a rowdy Injun
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>>5241167
>>5241178
>>5241366
You don't see any Injuns, rowdy or otherwise, so you just draw a hopscotch court in the sand and play by yourself. It's not really as fun in singleplayer.

You enter the haberdashery. The owner nods as you walk in, still glad that you helped him retrieve his stolen shipment of clothes.

You recall that you still have access to the basement. There are currently 4 blueprints; you can craft basic clothing on the cheap using cloth and thread. You can also cut spare clothes back into crafting ingredients.
If you substitute at least one cloth or thread with a special material like steel wool, the resulting clothing may have useful properties.

You check your wallet and see that you have $5.39.

What do?
>Buy stuff
>Leave
>Shoplift
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>>5241767
buy the scuba mask, definitely
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>>5241767
>Compliment owner's hat feather
>Get Oni mask for $1.80
It reflects energy weapons and we'll be sheriff proof!
>Search basement for materials to craft with
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Oni mask, sheriff badge and dork-ass bowtie

We scary sherr-y now
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>>5241782
+1'ing compliment and search
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>>5241794
>>5241795
These are both me, I just lost internet connection and had to switch, hence the second ID
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>>5241782
You search the haberdasher's basement. There's a few pieces of cloth, but you think their absence would be too obvious. You do, however, find some loose change that won't be missed.
$5.39 + $0.23 = $5.62

You feel a little bad about stealing from the haberdasher, so you give him a compliment. He smiles, so you consider it payment for services rendered.
Tootin': 5.1 + 0.05 = 5.15
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>>5241803
>WQM returns from the dead right when I'm going to sleep
it's not fair, cowbros
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>>5241767

Wait, don't we still have that pirate sidequest going on? I don't remember the details but I remember it exists.

>Ask haberdasher about basement pirate hat
>Buy oni mask
>Buy sheriff's badge
>Ask about ways to expand our inventory space-- can we buy/craft a backpack?
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>>5241859
+1
>>
>>5241767
>>5241794
+1 and also
>inquire about metal symbol
>ask about the steel wool and cleaning supplies as well
>ask about where to get a belt
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>>5241782
>>5241794
>>5241859
You buy the hannya mask, sheriff badge, and bowtie for $5.30, leaving you with $0.32.

This mask is pretty freaky. You'll receive a +1 Tootin' bonus whenever you need to intimidate anybody, but for most other situations, its rictus grin imparts a -1 spookiness penalty. You may want to take it off if you're trying to convince someone to follow you somewhere.

You can refund your clothing and buy something else as long as you don’t leave the store.

>>5241777
You consider the scuba mask. It'll protect you from gases and allow you to breath underwater. You're pretty sure that's how a snorkel works.

>>5241859
That pirate hat is yours. You got it from a pirate horse after the battle in the impound lot. (See thread 1 of Western Quest(ern), True Believers!)
There’s a janitor shirt in the basement, which is also yours. You can cut either of them, or any of your clothes, into 1 cloth + 1 thread.

You ask about inventory space. There’s no real way around it – your current inventory space is pretty much the most you’re ever going to get.
A backpack would take up your chest inventory slot, and it would contain exactly 1 slot inside of it. Maybe you could find a bigger belt, but the haberdasher hasn’t seen any around; they must be fairly rare.

>>5242436
In combat, metal clothing only takes 1 damage at a time from any one hit, allowing it to defend against attacks that pierce through several layers of clothing. However, it also makes you more vulnerable against adverse temperatures.

The haberdasher has 1 steel wool in stock for $1.00. If you craft a pair of boots, for example, you can substitute a single cloth or thread with steel wool to get two 1 HP boots with the metal property.

The fungicide cides fungi. The floral scent scents florally.
The perchloroethylene can be used to clean stains and dissolve fats, oils, and grease. It’s not especially toxic, but if you expose it to fire, you might make phosgene.
You can use the buckets of lime-colored paint to make yourself a garish fashion victim.

You can tie anything around your waist and it’ll become a belt. A rope, a strip of fabric, an animal hide, whatever. But the vast majority of belts are exactly the same: 3 inventory slots, wide-exposed in combat.

What do?
>Leave
>Stay
>Stand in the doorway
>Something else?
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>>5244151
>Grab your currently equipped hat and Pirate hat and use sewing machine to frankenstein them into a big-rimmed cowboy hat with a skull
>Put bowtie in Loretta's hair
And now we're ready to chew ass and bubblegum.